Monday, February 1, 2010

Monday Mayhem

"I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge." - Bart Simpson


  1. If it had just been a short scream and then silence, Kathy wouldn't have worried. But this was a long scream punctuated by short periods of silence when the screamer sucked air and then the scream continued higher in pitch. The classroom of students looked worried and had stopped working on their spelling assignment.

    "I'm sure this is nothing to worry about," said Kathy. "Someone probably stubbed a toe. I'll find out what all the screaming is about and let you know, but you've got to finish your spelling worksheet."

    The sun shone through brown tinted windows that left a dingy light on the gray tiles of the hallway. Around a corner, stood Eleanor Grouchen, one of the fourth grade teachers whose face was red from her screaming. Eleanor pointed at the door to the teacher's lounge and hopped up and down as if to punctuate her screaming which didn't cease.

    Kathy entered the lounge carefully, not sure what she would find, but the orange plastic chairs, desk, and microwave were in their proper positions. Kathy left the lounge and took Eleanor's arm, "What's wrong?"

    It took Eleanor several moments before she subsided in her wordless screams. "In there. Didn't you see it?"

    "I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge," said Kathy.

    "On the ceiling," Eleanor's voice rose in a scream again but she managed to contain yourself.

    Kathy walked back into the lounge and looked up and saw two cute eight-legged creatures about the size of her palm pacing the ceiling as they looked for flies.

    "They're harmless, just two RoboSpiders."

    Eleanor still shook as she said, "Please, will you get my lunch from the refrigerator so I can eat in my car."

  2. “Hold up there, jackass,” Billy Bob’s beefy hand grabbed Jake by the scruff of his Hanes.

    Jake winced. He always seemed to be in the wrong place at the wrong time lately. “Break-your-knee caps- Billy Bob Saunders was in his face again. Damnit, what now?

    “What?” Jake shrugged out of BB’s hold and turned to stare him down. May has well. What could it hurt? He’d already suffered a busted lip, broken finger, and a bruised rib at this idiot’s expense.

    “Ooooh, aren’t we brave?” Billy Bob sing-songed like the moron in Back To The Future.

    Jake rolled his eyes and looked bored. He suddenly realized that, over the Christmas vacation, he’d grown about three inches. He was now able to look good ol’ boy Billy Bob straight in the murky eye. Silent chuckle. Bring it on.

    “Yea, John-Boy. I’m brave. Whatcha gonna do about it?” Jake was amazing himself.

    “What were you doing in the teacher’s lounge, jackass?” Billy Bob craned his neck around Jake to peek in the door Jake had just exited.

    Jake narrowed his eyes and poked a stiff finger against BB’s beefy chest.

    “That. Is. None. Of. Your. Business.” Each word punctuated with a poke of the finger. Jake held his stare despite the fact that Billy Bob’s slack jaw drooling disgusted him.

    “Oh yeah?” Billy Bob puffed out his chest, not used to being stood up to.

    “Yeah.” Jake suddenly shoved the Bob against the lockers and locked his fist around the boy’s throat. “Repeat after me, Billy Barf... ‘I saw nothing unusual in the teacher’s lounge.’” Jake punctuated it with a knee to Billy’s groin.

    “Okay, okay.” Billy was whining now. “I saw nothing unusual in the teacher’s lounge!”

    “Good.” Jake smiled at Billy Bob in a condescending manner. And then punched him in the nose. He smiled when the blood poured down the idiot’s face.

  3. Deb, I like the way Jake changes (I should say the changes discomfort me... but I like it technically ;)