Okay. That was fun--mostly. Now to the dirty, ugly business of killing.
I look at him. "Look. We have to end this. We're over."
"Why?" he asks, pouting.
I check my watch. "Um, in about four minutes you're going to want to eat my brains." It's weird to be wearing a watch, but we were trying to fit "in."
"Are you sure we don't need to do it again? I liked that," he says.
I roll my eyes.
"Anyway, I'm pretty sure you're wrong," the creature who'd chosen the name "Bob" replies. "I watched that documentary on mantis too. It was the female that rips the head off the male after copulation."
"Are we sure that mantis and man are similar?" I ask--again.
"Bob" shrugs. "The great overlord told us that we needed to watch educational television if we were to properly infiltrate this alien life form. Man... mantis... they're just different breeds of the same thing. We've copulated and I've given you my seed... you're supposed to rip my head off."
"Do I have to eat it?"
"C'mon, Batty, we went to all the trouble to time from copulation to cannibalism--we even suffered through those stupid hair soap and infant butt padding ads to get the timing right. Don't you want to fit in?"
"It's BETTY not BATTY."
"Whatever. I told you to go with Jane," "Bob" says.
I ripped his head off--he'd made it fun. There was no way I was going to eat it, though. It's not like he'd know.
Hey look, Matt is here! With a fantabulous (my favorite new word, expect to see it in many more comments) story I might add. Good work Jeeves!
LOL Wendy, when he calls her Batty, "I thought to myself, this story would have been funnier if she said Betty but oh well." (because I think in quotes) And then bang, her name is Betty and I giggled my way to the end.
I look at him. "Look. We have to end this. We're over."
ReplyDelete"Why?" he asks, pouting.
I check my watch. "Um, in about four minutes you're going to want to eat my brains."
“Huh? What are you talking about?”
“Yeeahh…I’m sorry,” I can’t look him in the eyes. “I should have told you. You know, biting during foreplay sounded fun, but…”
He starts rubbing his throat.
“I’m part zombie,” I blurt out.
He raises a skeptical eyebrow.
“I mean,” I stammer. “It can skip a generation, but I can still pass it on, so…Sorry.”
Foam forms in the corner of his mouth, and he runs to the mirror. His eyes turn red. “Am I dead?” he asks.
“Maybe. Not sure. I’ve never really understood how it works. Any way, I gotta go. Again, sorry.”
I leave him staring at his changing reflection.
“Man,” he says. “This bites.”
Right on, Matt! First time is a winner. I knew you'd be good at this.
ReplyDeleteThanks. I just took a shot.
ReplyDeleteMatt, LOL! That was great! Welcome to Flashy...hope to read more from you. ;)
ReplyDeleteYeah Matt - what they all just said!
ReplyDelete=D
What a fun read!
Middle of the night inspiration:
ReplyDeleteOkay. That was fun--mostly. Now to the dirty, ugly business of killing.
I look at him. "Look. We have to end this. We're over."
"Why?" he asks, pouting.
I check my watch. "Um, in about four minutes you're going to want to eat my brains." It's weird to be wearing a watch, but we were trying to fit "in."
"Are you sure we don't need to do it again? I liked that," he says.
I roll my eyes.
"Anyway, I'm pretty sure you're wrong," the creature who'd chosen the name "Bob" replies. "I watched that documentary on mantis too. It was the female that rips the head off the male after copulation."
"Are we sure that mantis and man are similar?" I ask--again.
"Bob" shrugs. "The great overlord told us that we needed to watch educational television if we were to properly infiltrate this alien life form. Man... mantis... they're just different breeds of the same thing. We've copulated and I've given you my seed... you're supposed to rip my head off."
"Do I have to eat it?"
"C'mon, Batty, we went to all the trouble to time from copulation to cannibalism--we even suffered through those stupid hair soap and infant butt padding ads to get the timing right. Don't you want to fit in?"
"It's BETTY not BATTY."
"Whatever. I told you to go with Jane," "Bob" says.
I ripped his head off--he'd made it fun. There was no way I was going to eat it, though. It's not like he'd know.
Excellent!! Laughter and enjoyment, this is entertainment!
ReplyDeleteThank you Matt and Wendy :)
Hey look, Matt is here! With a fantabulous (my favorite new word, expect to see it in many more comments) story I might add. Good work Jeeves!
ReplyDeleteLOL Wendy, when he calls her Batty, "I thought to myself, this story would have been funnier if she said Betty but oh well." (because I think in quotes) And then bang, her name is Betty and I giggled my way to the end.