Monday, March 23, 2009

Monday Muse

“Develop a built-in bullshit detector.”

Ernest Hemingway


  1. Jessica sat across the table from the guy Alana said was a perfect match for her. Jessica hated blind dates, but agreed to go on this one largely because Alana was a force of nature. You could seldom win against Alana when she got an idea in her head. Still, Jessica didn’t hold out much hope for the evening, either.

    According to Alana, ‘Matt’ was still single because he worked so much that he didn’t have time to meet any quality women. Uh huh, right. That old excuse.

    But, to be fair, so far, Matt seemed okay and he wasn’t too bad on the eyes either. He said he was an attorney at a mid-sized Midtown law firm. (Jessica had a few doubts there, but let it go for the time being.)

    He had been regaling Jessica with a story about the probate battles of a late, gay theatre impresario - and about just who of the man’s heirs would end up with possession of his four Tony awards. Suddenly, Matt changed topics.

    “So, where’s your house during the summer?” Matt flashed a smile at Jessica.


    “You know - the Hamptons or Fire Island?”

    Jessica’s cheeks turned pink. She decided to turn it around. “Where do you go, Matt?”

    “Actually, we go to the Cape.” He put a lot of pompous emphasis on the word ‘we’.

    For the moment, Jessica ignored any implied meaning and asked politely, “Cod?”

    “Yes, of course.” Like, where else?

    “Where on the Cape?” Jessica smiled back at Matt.

    Briefly Matt looked surprised, but then answered, “Uh, Chatham.”

    “Where in Chatham?” Jessica smiled more brightly.

    “Oh, you know, the west part,” replied Matt, seeming a little less certain now.

    “Ah!” said Jessica. Her smile was brighter, still. “Then you must know the Ingersolls. Everyone there does. They give the best parties in late summer, don’t they?”

    “The Ingersolls. Right. Their – uh – parties are great. Yeah.”

    “You don’t have a house there, do you? You don’t know the Ingersolls, huh?” asked Jessica. She kept her gaze level.

    Matt sat dumbfounded for a moment. Finally, he said, “Okay - well, not exactly a house. But, I’ve stayed there – uh – once. A while ago. With my parents. All right – fine! I admit it. I can’t afford the Cape on a first year associate’s salary at a small firm. Not with paying off student loans and all that crap. I thought I’d impress you, but it looks like that won’t happen. Alana never said you were a rich brat. So, listen, Jessica - why don’t you just go hang with your spoiled little buds at the Cape, okay? And say hi to the Ingersolls from me! I do not need this!” With that, Matt tossed his napkin on the table and stormed away from Jessica.

    Jessica grinned. She fake-whispered after the recently departed BS artist, “Oh you poor thing! That was quite a bit of overacting on your part, you know, although I did catch you in quite a lie! But you know, I don’t have a house there either, Matt. And just so you know – or not, as is the case - I just made up the Ingersolls. Too bad you don’t have a bullshit detector, too!”

  2. “Lies, lies, LIES! Everything that comes out of your mouth is a lie!” My internal BS detector was going off like a goose on crack. He didn’t really think I’d believe that? Please god, tell me that he didn’t think I was that stupid.

    “What I meant to say--”

    “Lie!” I screamed.

    We stared each other down. He opened his mouth, then shut it. Then opened it again.

    Go on, I dare you, I mentally challenged.

    “And?” he said finally.

    “And?” my screech hurt my own ears. That was what he was going to say? He was admitting to lying and that was his excuse?

    Was he kidding me with this? Hell no.

    HELL. NO.

    “This time… this time, I swear to god…” My hand was shaking and I couldn’t finish my sentence.

    He pulled me close, his lips brushed against my temple. I could smell his cologne and his fabric softener mixed together – the smell always made me hot.

    “Just one more chance?” He asked softly before brushing another kiss against my skin.

    I exhaled. What could I do? “One more. And that’s it.”

  3. Oh boy is that soooo typical! How many times does that happen - he lies and eventually he convinces you to take him back? (Until you finally wise up and his 'one last chances' run out.)

    This was great!

  4. Um...

    *looks around trying not to catch anyone's eye*

    It's not autobiographical, or anything.


    Thanks, Lightverse! Yours rocked too.

  5. LMAO!!!! Heather, that was a great read!

  6. Both of these were awesome!

    Um, Heather, your story mirrors an "episode" or three in my life, except I wasn't so dramatic.