If old widow Jenkins thought that she was going to get the last bottle of Brazen Brown hair color, she'd obviously been inhaling too many fumes at the beauty parlot.
I WOULD win the hairdresser style off. And I would beat her with her cane to prove it.
Seriously? This photo is now making the rounds on email? The one time I took to the air due to a big nasty patch of Suave Shine conditioner on the floor?
This turned out to be the most embarrassing day of my life because a) Jackson Pompano happened to be checking at the store that day and b) what you don’t see are the boxes of tampons and mini-pads (plus a Hershey Special Dark bar) that flew from my hands and landed right in front of me and 3) my ex-best friend Sarah was there to catch it all on her iPhone.
After the huge thud otherwise known as Me Belly Flopping On Tile, someone watching from the office above someone said, “Girl down on aisle three!” into the loudspeaker.
Sarah was actually laughing hysterically, looking at her phone and remarking on how amazing it was that she'd caught me in midair.
Jackson was the first to arrive. “Dang, Ellie you okay?” he asked, kneeling down beside me.
“Fine, yeah, totally fine,” I said, trying to get up as gracefully as possible even though it felt like I’d been punched in the gut and my elbow hurt like hell.
“Does she need medical attention?” said the voice on the loudspeaker, a little quieter this time.
“No!” I yelled, hoping the manager could hear me from wherever he was.
Jackson stood up, looked into a one-way-glass office on the second floor and shook his head.
“Then ring up her order courtesy of the store,” the voice said.
Perfect. Jackson gathered up my personal hygiene supplies, along with the necessary chocolate. I’m surprised he didn’t ask if I’d like a side of Midol and zit cream to go with it. The process of giving items away takes twice as long as ringing them up, what with all the scanning and voiding and manager overrides. Why can’t stuff like this happen when I’m buying croutons or bagels?
I ended up chipping my elbow and had to wear a super hot looking geriatric sling. My parents want to sue the store or Suave, but I wont let them—because every day for the past week someone has been slipping Hershey’s Special Dark bars though the slats of my locker. It has to be Jackson. And that is totally worth the pain.
“Maggie! Sweetheart! C’mon! Do you think you could look a bit more animated? More into it? Right now, you look like a dead fish on the line!” Ben plopped his round derriere down into the director’s chair.
Geez, the things you have to do to make a buck in this business.
“Sorry, Ben.” Maggie wiggled as she tried to find a more comfortable position. “I’ve been up here on this wire now for over an hour. I’m tired and I’m sore.”
“We’re all tired, Maggie.” Ben put his ridiculously large megaphone on the floor next to him. “But Sweetheart - here’s some motivation, if you don’t like the SuperMom-as-Shopper thing. Ya ready? It’s called a paycheck. Okay?”
If he calls me ‘Sweetheart’ one more time...
“Yeah, whatever.” Maggie sighed. “Ready.”
Ben pushed on the armrests of the chair to force his wedged-in bottom out. “Okay. Let’s try this again. From the top.” He picked up the megaphone and yelled into it, “And – action!”
“If you’re a busy mom like me, especially with three little kids in tow, you don’t have time to just wander around the store at your leisure. That’s why I like SuperBuy Shops. Everything you want is right where you need it, so you can practically fly by and get -”
“Cut! Cut! Cut!” yelled Ben.
“What’s the problem now?”
“You didn’t grab for the pink bottle of conditioner. That’s what you’re supposed to do, Sweetheart!”
Maggie tried stretching her arms towards the top hair-care shelf. Her fingertips were still several feet away from the closest bottle. “I can’t reach it, Ben. Not even close.”
Boiling over into a total hissy fit, Ben slammed down his megaphone, which sort of bounced over to the bottom shelf of shampoos. One by one they all proceeded for fall from the shelf to the floor. One of them started leaking thick yellow liquid. Ben blinked at it for a moment and then began swearing up a blue streak.
Nice mouth you have there, Ben.
After watching Ben’s tirade for a couple of minutes, and realizing there was little chance of an end in sight, Maggie politely said to one of the tech guys, “Excuse me. Would you please hand me that megaphone?” Shrugging, the set-hand passed it up to her.
You want animation? I'll show you! Watch this, Ben, Sweetheart!
Maggie held the megaphone, up to her mouth and shouted, “Clean up in aisle five!”
If old widow Jenkins thought that she was going to get the last bottle of Brazen Brown hair color, she'd obviously been inhaling too many fumes at the beauty parlot.
ReplyDeleteI WOULD win the hairdresser style off. And I would beat her with her cane to prove it.
ARGH!!
Seriously? This photo is now making the rounds on email? The one time I took to the air due to a big nasty patch of Suave Shine conditioner on the floor?
ReplyDeleteThis turned out to be the most embarrassing day of my life because a) Jackson Pompano happened to be checking at the store that day and b) what you don’t see are the boxes of tampons and mini-pads (plus a Hershey Special Dark bar) that flew from my hands and landed right in front of me and 3) my ex-best friend Sarah was there to catch it all on her iPhone.
After the huge thud otherwise known as Me Belly Flopping On Tile, someone watching from the office above someone said, “Girl down on aisle three!” into the loudspeaker.
Sarah was actually laughing hysterically, looking at her phone and remarking on how amazing it was that she'd caught me in midair.
Jackson was the first to arrive. “Dang, Ellie you okay?” he asked, kneeling down beside me.
“Fine, yeah, totally fine,” I said, trying to get up as gracefully as possible even though it felt like I’d been punched in the gut and my elbow hurt like hell.
“Does she need medical attention?” said the voice on the loudspeaker, a little quieter this time.
“No!” I yelled, hoping the manager could hear me from wherever he was.
Jackson stood up, looked into a one-way-glass office on the second floor and shook his head.
“Then ring up her order courtesy of the store,” the voice said.
Perfect. Jackson gathered up my personal hygiene supplies, along with the necessary chocolate. I’m surprised he didn’t ask if I’d like a side of Midol and zit cream to go with it. The process of giving items away takes twice as long as ringing them up, what with all the scanning and voiding and manager overrides. Why can’t stuff like this happen when I’m buying croutons or bagels?
I ended up chipping my elbow and had to wear a super hot looking geriatric sling. My parents want to sue the store or Suave, but I wont let them—because every day for the past week someone has been slipping Hershey’s Special Dark bars though the slats of my locker. It has to be Jackson. And that is totally worth the pain.
Sarah, however, is NOT.
Christy!!! That seriously rocked!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteHaha! These are great! Love your ending Christy!
ReplyDeleteSorry I didn't post something with a St. Patty's Day theme. I forgot that was today until after I posted this!
Happy St. Patrick's Day! Keep the Flashy fun coming!
“Maggie! Sweetheart! C’mon! Do you think you could look a bit more animated? More into it? Right now, you look like a dead fish on the line!” Ben plopped his round derriere down into the director’s chair.
ReplyDeleteGeez, the things you have to do to make a buck in this business.
“Sorry, Ben.” Maggie wiggled as she tried to find a more comfortable position. “I’ve been up here on this wire now for over an hour. I’m tired and I’m sore.”
“We’re all tired, Maggie.” Ben put his ridiculously large megaphone on the floor next to him. “But Sweetheart - here’s some motivation, if you don’t like the SuperMom-as-Shopper thing. Ya ready? It’s called a paycheck. Okay?”
If he calls me ‘Sweetheart’ one more time...
“Yeah, whatever.” Maggie sighed. “Ready.”
Ben pushed on the armrests of the chair to force his wedged-in bottom out. “Okay. Let’s try this again. From the top.” He picked up the megaphone and yelled into it, “And – action!”
“If you’re a busy mom like me, especially with three little kids in tow, you don’t have time to just wander around the store at your leisure. That’s why I like SuperBuy Shops. Everything you want is right where you need it, so you can practically fly by and get -”
“Cut! Cut! Cut!” yelled Ben.
“What’s the problem now?”
“You didn’t grab for the pink bottle of conditioner. That’s what you’re supposed to do, Sweetheart!”
Maggie tried stretching her arms towards the top hair-care shelf. Her fingertips were still several feet away from the closest bottle. “I can’t reach it, Ben. Not even close.”
Boiling over into a total hissy fit, Ben slammed down his megaphone, which sort of bounced over to the bottom shelf of shampoos. One by one they all proceeded for fall from the shelf to the floor. One of them started leaking thick yellow liquid. Ben blinked at it for a moment and then began swearing up a blue streak.
Nice mouth you have there, Ben.
After watching Ben’s tirade for a couple of minutes, and realizing there was little chance of an end in sight, Maggie politely said to one of the tech guys, “Excuse me. Would you please hand me that megaphone?” Shrugging, the set-hand passed it up to her.
You want animation? I'll show you! Watch this, Ben, Sweetheart!
Maggie held the megaphone, up to her mouth and shouted, “Clean up in aisle five!”
Suzanne - that was short, sweet and right to the funny point!
ReplyDeleteChristy - Excellent ending!
You guys are soooo good!
And also, Happy St. Patrick's Day! =D
That was a great twist on the picture Lightverse! Awesome!
ReplyDelete